Margaret Clark (1984) distinguishes between exchange and communal relationships. Specifically, exchange relationships are characterized by peoples attempts to maintain equality of their costs and compensation. Oftentimes, this is achieved by tit-for-tat repayment of benefits. Partners in communal relationships, on the other hand, aren’t concerned about whether they have received or given a benefit, instead they respond to each other’s needs as they come up.
I think this is an interesting variable to use to characterize relationships. Although it isn’t something I’d immediately see as relevant, it has a profound influence on people’s relationships. As an example, my boyfriend and my roommate have a relationship that is extremely exchange based, almost to the point of coldness. My boyfriend doesn’t even feel comfortable asking favors of my roommate anymore because he hates knowing that he’ll be “in debt” to her for a while. He used her spare phone when his wasn’t working, but was uncomfortable the whole time. I think that it’s very evident that exchange relationships can instill bitter and awkward feelings in people, but that could be my own experiences talking. :)
Clark, M. S. (1984). Record keeping in two types of relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 47, 549-557.
wowzer. . .I’d hate to be in what sounds like a socially awkward situation between your boyfriend and your roommate! My question for you would be how is your relationship with your roommate? Is the relationship an exchange relationship like it is between her and your boyfriend or is it more communal, based on the desire to fulfill each others needs? Its interesting to think how our relationships with significant others or best friends are influenced by the “other persons relationships” (eg how your relationship with your roommate is influenced by your roommates relationship with your boyfriend) I know my roommate is on a level of exchange relationships with some of my best friends-who are her acquaintances and with whom I have a communal relationships. . .and sometimes she tries to create a communal relationship with those acquaintances and it just turns out really awkward!
ReplyDeleteWow that's pretty intense there. Perhaps he should look into a communal relationship with some of your other friends. I try to maintain a communal relationship with as many of my friends as possible. Of course this gets difficult after awhile where it eventually turns into an exchange relationship, but hey sometimes spotting someone for dinner can get you a shirt like it has me.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's definitely an awkward situation, for sure -- especially when, really, I don't even personally think using someone else's phone is an inconvenience, unless you talk for ages and eat up all of their minutes or something. But that's just me.
ReplyDeleteLast semester, though, I studied abroad in London and was living with 5 other girls from SU in our flat; none of us knew each other beforehand, so there was a really awkward period for awhile where no one knew if we were supposed to approach it communally or tit-for-tat. We were living with each other for a semester, but we didn't already have the close relationship; we ended up kind of doing both, depending on the situation. But if the exchange relationship had ever gotten to that extreme -- eek, it just sounds so uncomfortable. I hope they're able to work it out.